'Red Riding Hood' too much like 'Twilight'

Taking a bloody dagger to centuries of folklore, the producers of Red Riding Hood have shamelessly turned the Little Red Riding Hood legend into a carbon copy of the Twilight movies. It ultimately fails because it steals all of the worst elements of those films and none of the better ones. 

The similarities start with director Catherine Hardwicke, who made the first Twilight movie and here reproduces nearly the exact same visual style. And Bella's father (Billy Burke) is Red's father here.

Also lifted from Twilight are a love triangle plot in which both males are as bland as they are handsome, horribly shot and poorly-edited action scenes, a mediocre score that combines foreboding instrumental music with subpar indie rock, and "horror" moments that are unintentionally hilarious.

Oh, and once again, no one has sex. 

Red Riding Hood is set in what I guess is supposed to be an English village, although no one other than the villain and the wolf himself has an English accent. Amanda Seyfried is the heroine of the title, caught between sweet rich guy Henry (Max Irons), who she is to marry, and diminutive bad boy Peter (Shiloh Fernandez).

As in Twilight, these are two very good-looking men who can't act a lick. 

A big bad werewolf, as you may have gathered, is on the scene and threatening the town; he seems to have special designs on Little Red Riding Hood. A possibly Vatican-connected werewolf wrangler (Gary Oldman) is brought in to help, but, in what I'm guessing is some sort of half-hearted political allegory, all he does is sow fear among the populace.

Other than the love triangle plot, the film's central mystery becomes the werewolf's identity, and the script has a lot of fun with red herrings—just about everyone in the movie comes under suspicion at one point or another. The suspects include Julie Christie (in the pivotal grandmother role), a teenage "village idiot" who looks like an Andy Samberg digital short character, and a gaggle of Seyfriend’s friends and enemies who seem to be in the movie only as a nod to the actress' Mean Girls past.

Ultimately, what sinks the film is its tone.

It's pitched at a level of incredible seriousness, but it's a ridiculous story that's told poorly. The action scenes particularly are a disaster—shaky, blurry and impossible to follow. And what should be the movie's most crucial moment, Red's first confrontation with the wolf, is handled so poorly that I was laughing uproariously, and so were most of the people around me. 

The look is all wrong, too. Twilight at least had pretty scenery. This movie is art-directed absolutely to death.

Seyfried, a very talented actress, does what she can with limited material, while Oldman's performance is one of his worst—just a lot of directionless yelling. Only Christie, in a creepy turn as the grandmother, leaves any sort of impression at all.

Could Brothers Grimm-meets-Stephenie Meyer have worked under any circumstances? Probably not. But making the film utterly unconvincing and lifeless didn't help.

---

The Silver Screen Rating: 1 star (out of 5)

---

Roll Credits: Red Riding Hood

Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Billy Burke, Virginia Madsen, Julie Christie

Rated: PG-13

Length: 1 hour 49 minutes

---

Appearing at:

Regal Warrington Crossing 22 –

• Friday, March 11: 12:50 - 1:40 - 4 - 4:40 - 7 - 7:40 - 9:40 - 10:20 p.m.

• Saturday, March 12: 12:50 - 1:40 - 4 - 4:40 - 7 - 7:40 - 9:40 - 10:20 p.m.

• Sunday, March 13: 12:50 - 1:40 - 4 - 4:40 - 7 - 7:40 - 9:40 - 10:20 p.m.